I've Given Up Chasing The Rabbit

[Brandon Cee]

I've Given Up Chasing The Rabbit
Beyond My Own Wonderland

Nazi's don't exist here...

December 9th, 2012

Misplaced, there's plenty ways to hurt all the placement
A nostalgic time of year for the people referred to as racists
The basic history can take pages to write and examine
But the holocaust of life can't make right what has happened
Imagine the damage displayed on these faces of terror
While mistakes reflect you as you're complacent with errors
Fox-hole genocide never thought more than to let us die
And truth fell on deaf ears; we let it come out the other side
Every member was like the brother I've known for years
But that was before this night - my love has grown to tears

...I was living in fear...

This is what was read to me, they laughed as they said
"You're that guy...?" then they slapped the back of my head
I tried to lash back, but I found I was tied at the wrists
I tried to resist agony, but then I became too tired of risks
Surrounded by pain and deceit..that fire within me
Burst into sparks; the flames were not enough to get free
Them having my diary sunk me - it felt unjust and unfair
To bare a burden, so ugly, as I sat in an uncomfortable chair
And nothing stopped there...I never had mentioned it
But the wires on my head became a lesson from Edison
Plus...this medicine I'm using doesn't seem to help
I'm a doctor, but these things can never heal themselves
Before my eyes close, one breath to live and touch
The significance was unclear, but I said I had given up
I died today!

...and now I'm living beyond wonderland...

December 12th, 2012
[the men read along]

That was the beginning, the day of redemption is near
My family will miss me, all I can do is connect with the tears
So help me unshelf all the fears that I've come to meet
Starting with yesterday, there's something I must complete
As crazy as it seems, the worst has yet to come for few
And the view from Heaven is nice, but I'll live in Hell for you
I'm compelled to move mountains as I cry in amazement
So forget the sticks, stones will win like Goliath and David
You were right about taking me in, but life was at stake
And I don't think you realize men - IT WAS MINE TO TAKE!

I was a White Rabbit, this was the second coming of Jesus
You missed the train, so - nevermind, I'll blow you to pieces

[Brandon Cee]

Edit Links Here.

[Soule]

Nom'd.



I'll give as much fucking feedback as possible since most idiots do not understand. So that whole first stanza was the perfect opening to an absolutely beautiful piece bro. Some of my favorite lines were....

Misplaced, there's plenty ways to hurt all the placement
A nostalgic time of year for the people referred to as racists

Imagine the damage displayed on these faces of terror
While mistakes reflect you as you're complacent with errors

Every member was like the brother I've known for years
But that was before this night - my love has grown to tears

Basically, every other line was dope. Not sayin' the others weren't.. they just were not as breath taking. You know where I am coming from? The wording was just so fluently there and you actually used a few bigger/more mature words without fucking up the grammer. Nice job. Rhymescheme was ill and the story had an amazing start here. Your emotion was heart warming, and the funny thing is that I just got done watching the movie "The Gray Zone" today which is about the Nazi's and Jews and shit like that.. so this really helped sooth the mood my friend.

Opened with one of the dopest lines I've read as of late. I don't know why, that line..

This is what was read to me, they laughed as they said
"You're that guy...?" then they slapped the back of my head

it was just fucking dope imo. There were others was well.. like.....

Surrounded by pain and deceit..that fire within me
Burst into sparks; the flames were not enough to get free

And nothing stopped there...I never had mentioned it
But the wires on my head became a lesson from Edison

Plus...this medicine I'm using doesn't seem to help
I'm a doctor, but these things can never heal themselves

Before my eyes close, one breath to live and touch
The significance was unclear, but I said I had given up

those final four lines were just mind bottling bro. They seemed to have so much meaning and emotion behind them that I literally stood at the screen for 30 seconds in woah. The stroy was continued very perfectly in this stanza and I think that you have done well with your wording. It hasn't fallen off at all and is keeping a very enjoyable and easy to focus on flow. Rhymescheme is just fine and your storytelling is amazing.

Now for the final stanza... really just left me at aww. Ended perfectly. If I were to take four lines out of that stanza that were ALONE incredible.. it'd have to be....

As crazy as it seems, the worst has yet to come for few
And the view from Heaven is nice, but I'll live in Hell for you

I was a White Rabbit, this was the second coming of Jesus
You missed the train, so - nevermind, I'll blow you to pieces

reading this whole piece to Fort Minor's "Highroad" gave me the perfect breach of things. All I can say, is this was one of the greatest piece (as far as wording, story and flow is concerned) I've read in recent monthes. Loved it, no critique to give. We must collaborate soon.

[Soule]

Upping for Brandon.

[Airness]

This entire thing was unbelievable... The rhyme scheme was nice, it flowed from end to end without a hitch. And on top of all of that the meaning was REAL. This is probably the best story-song that I've seen/heard/experienced in a real-real-REAL long time. Basically every bar was quotable, and I'm not gonna lie this bar probably became my new favorite quote...

As crazy as it seems, the worst has yet to come for few
And the view from Heaven is nice, but I'll live in Hell for you

[Airness]

Return the favor?
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...al-385394.html

[Brandon Cee]

get to links tomorrow. uppin.

[Nikolai]

Imagine the damage displayed on these faces of terror
While mistakes reflect you as you're complacent with errors

^^ Dope

Piece was at the right length, flow was dope, real nice multis and rhyme scheme
Had dope wording too... Everything rolled off the tongue
Strong vocab... And liking the emotion shown